Selfishness and selflessness are in the initial DESIRE to be either. Selflessness particularly then is found in the desire to be selfless not in the choice to serve that desire. Yes, when making a decision, we all naturally choose to go with the strongest desire WE’RE presently feeling for something. That’s the point, though. Not everyone’s strongest desire IS to be selfless. Though every person is ‘ultimately’ serving themselves the difference is in the KIND of self being ‘served’. There’s FAR more to distinguish us from each other than the fact that we all ultimately serve ourselves in this sense. The simple fact that one person’s ultimate desire could be serving others and another person’s could be serving themselves shows they’re drastically different than each other especially considering the vast differences in behavior that would follow the two. To say it another way, how could you possibly view these two people and their behavior the same way or consider them equally selfish? Think about it. Imagine the kind of person and what they’d do when their greatest desire and value is to serve themselves (obviously at the cost of others). And imagine the other kind of person and what they’d do when their greatest desire is to serve others (at the cost of themselves). I couldn’t assess them according to this philosophic definition of selfishness. That’s too heartless and shallow. You tell me. Which one’s truly selfish: the person who SERVES others because it makes them “feel good” or the person who ABUSES others because it makes them “feel good”? Can you dare equate them by saying they’re BOTH selfish? If you do, then I dare to assume it’s because you just want to win the argument.

You can’t be truly selfish OR selfless without the existence of other people. If only one person existed on earth we wouldn’t consider them selfish if they lived only for themselves and their desires. (I’m ignoring the fact that they also have a relationship with the earth and its needs for the sake of the point.) In that same situation we wouldn’t consider them SELFLESS if they strangely decided to deny themselves. This is because there are no people to benefit from the decision nor is that the REASON they made it. It’s the presence of others and the awareness of their needs that gives substance to selflessness or selfishness. This is why we consider it selfish for a Mother to only feed her baby soda pop and cheese puffs when she KNOWS it would harm the baby in the long run. The existence of the baby and the mother’s awareness of what the baby needs is what gives her the opportunity to either be selfless or selfish. Coincidently, no one would accuse the mother of being selfish if she truly didn’t know it would harm the baby. Selflessness is far more than only denying one’s desires. Who, if forced with the sudden decision to save a baby from harm at the expense of loosing a limb asks themselves, “For which reason am I going to do this: for the baby or for the good feeling I’ll get about myself from doing this?” Nobody. If anyone ever chooses the baby it’s safe to assume their primary driving force and ultimate reason for the decision was the baby’s well-being. Selfless desires only arise when others exist and when the person cares about them.

Sometimes we take philosophy or rationale too far and try to completely detach our hearts or souls from our minds. They function best when they function together not in isolation of each other. They both have great power. You can use rationale to make anything sound true, and once your heart is convinced of something not even the greatest counsellor or intellectual can convince you otherwise with reason and argument. So, if we’re simply honest with ourselves concerning the matter we all know deep down when we’re being selfish and when we’re truly being selfless. Period.

Selflessness is not necessarily a relationship to other persons. It must include a relationship to objective reality which is depended upon by everyone. Objective reality is a medium which defines and sustains life. It is the common property of everyone. It universalizes existence. Constructiveness and rationality are defined in terms of objective reality. Therefore, people must learn to contribute to life through objective reality while limiting subjectivity to personal concerns.

By stating that, by acting selflessly, people are commiting a selfish act, one removes them from the set of so-called selfless people. Selflessness, by definition, is not in anyway selfish. The argument shoud be whether people can achieve selflessness. This could be presented in many hypothetical scenarios, but take this one:
A child is born with the part of his brain missing or inactive (no slating the science, this is not a medical point) that controls empathy, the ability to notice and react to other peoples emotions. By commiting selfless acts, the child could not gain any sense of reward at all from his actions, he doesn’t have the capacity to care what other people think. If this child, therefore, acts selflessly, it cannot be selfish, there is no upside to him.
A normal person may or may not be capable of this, but it remains fact that it is possible.